Random Tidbit: Today is the first day of NaNoWriMo. National novel writing month. I participated fully last year for the first time, and am planning on doing that again this month. We’ll see how it goes this time around. To learn more about nanowrimo and participation in this fun and crazy time, click here.
Each year about this time our local church hosts a women’s retreat. It’s held close to town, but it does include two nights of staying on the property. It’s a wonderful time of fun, teaching and bonding with other ladies as we grow closer to Christ.
There is also a little bit of anxiety involved as well. I mean, staying overnight for two nights? Without my family? Who will take care of MY family while I am gone. As the stay at home parent I take a lot of responsibility for the management of our home and kids. I do the school run, make lunches. I know when the baby takes her nap and I generally make dinner. If feel like it. I know the rhythms of our house. I have developed that intuition moms seem to have. It was not something I had right away after our first child was born. It took time and experience to develop. I really feel bad for our oldest kid. He got the brunt of our mistakes. Thank-fully we have taught him about grace and forgiveness.
Just as it took me time to develop this ‘intuition’ it has also taken my husband some time to develop this as well. And the only way he can develop his ‘dad sense’ is to be with our kids and for me to step away. That means I STEP AWAY. I can’t hover around and critique every choice that he makes as a parent. When he does something that I normally wouldn’t, that doesn’t mean he is wrong and I need to correct how he is doing things. Just as he extends confidence to me in how I parent our children, so I should do that for him.
I know that as a first time mom I had done all my research and read some books. I made a plan on how I was going to parent. I thought everyone else should parent that way also. Then I had a child and would get frustrated that my husband wasn’t helping. But I also wasn’t asking for his help. I would go out and leave a long list of how things should be done and then if I found out they had been done differently I would berate him for that. Could I really be surprised that my husband didn’t seem to be helping out much. Would you help someone out if every time you tried to do so they corrected you?
I eventually learned over time that my husband has got this. In some ways, he is better at parenting than I am. He seems to be more in tune with our boys than I am now a days and he has such a creative way of parenting our little daughter now that she is showing signs of being a little ornery.
This is my encouragement to you, moms. Trust your husbands. They just need time to figure out their relationship with the kids. Just like you did. Relax, and remember that kids are resilient.