Fake it No More

Random tidbit: Mandisa, Toby Mac and the band Queen. These are a few of my favorite things. Now that Julie Andrew’s is in your head for the rest of the day, on to the show.

As I highlighted in this post, I have been doing a book study on the Blessing. It’s a wonderful book and very relevant to our current culture. As I have gone thru this book with a group of wonderful women, it has stirred up a lot of memories and big heart feelings in each of us. Any time you start looking back at the past and take as honest a look as you can, it has the potential to stir up big heart feelings. By big heart feelings I mean those emotions that can overwhelm you and maybe affect the rest of your day, or week. Emotions that can’t be stuffed back down, but have to be dealt with. Either by crying, talking it out with Jesus or another friend or maybe eating a piece of cake. Those are my three coping mechanisms.

This book topic has opened up parts of my past that I have kept behind closed doors because I wasn’t ready to face the ‘monsters’. But now it’s time to do that. To face the monsters scares me. This dealing with old hurts will mean admitting I don’t have it all together. Right? That I do need help. It might mean letting others come inside all the rooms of my “house” and seeing just how dirty parts of it are.

Recognizing and dealing with all these stirred up feelings, memories and emotions means pulling the wagons around my family. It will mean leaning on others to help our family out. It might mean eating take out a few times more a week. It might mean being willing to step away from commitments and focus energy on myself.

This is definitely going to mean leaning into Jesus more. Cause I don’t want to fake that. I can’t walk thru this valley alone. He is my giant slayer, He is my Jehovah Nissi, my banner man going before me. I don’t have to struggle to fight a battle that has already been won. I don’t have to pretend with my God. I don’t have to hide behind my own illusions of strength and control. My God is Jehovah Rafah, the God who heals. I believe in that. I go forward in that.

Blessings

-K

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