Random Tidbit: Sometimes, ok all the time, it’s hard for me to drive the speed limit.
Yesterday was a really beautiful day. There was a two-hour delay posted the night before and that meant I wasn’t getting up super early to work out. So I got to sleep in a bit. I started my morning reading this from Jen Hatmaker. It set me in a mindset of grace and kindness for the day. Then, school was cancelled all together and we went sledding with some friends. The kids all did ok out in the snow. I got to see how big and independent my big boys are. I got to see a little more of my sweet daughters needy independence (where she wants to be independent but still needs mama). We laughed, ate and had pizza for dinner. I said yes a lot and put in more effort with my kids then I do other days. It was an all around fabulous day.
I went to work, did my time and was coming home getting into my sleepy time mindset. I was a little grumpy about some things at work. I pulled into the garage and my husband popped his head out and asked me to do something I didn’t really know how to do that. It’s amazing how just a few minute things can start turning my gracious and loving mindset towards a resentful and mean frame of mind. I didn’t want to mess with this task I was given. I didn’t want to have to think any more. I was on my way to sleepy town. But I was in the garage and had my shoes on, so I stomped around for awhile trying to figure it out and then came inside and asked for help belligerently. My husband graciously talked me thru the process. I came inside in a huff and started scrolling thru facebook. My husband was attempting to chat with me about the evening, but I was now firmly planted in the town of Sulk. Maybe you have been there? It’s barren and kind of ugly. I wouldn’t recomend it. Finally, my husband just said he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore if I was going to act THAT way. So I said fine and headed up stairs.
Then, there was a sweet small voice in my heart. It said one word, “Grace”. I stopped on the stairs and said I’m sorry. The husband was quick to forgive me. And he even gave me a kiss goodnight. He wasn’t even at fault, but he was quick to offer grace. And that’s one of the ways he loves me. His big ability to be gracious to me even when I am in the wrong. That of course reminded me of how I started the day, reading this post. I want to close with these words on grace in marriage by Jen Hatmaker.
“MORE GRACE FOR MY HUSBAND
I will stop expecting him to read my mind, decode my body language, meet all my needs, and shut the cabinet doors (<—okay, just please, this one). We’ve logged 19 years of marriage, and that sort of longevity deserves more mercy, more apologies, more celebrating.
I can hardly think of a horrible fight disagreement we’ve had that grace wouldn’t have unscrambled. Every misunderstanding could’ve been truncated. Every ounce of tension lessened. Now, we’ll never be that lovey-dovey couple who writes sappy things on Facebook to each other. We don’t get vows renewed; we get tattoos. We are who we are. In our marriage, grace won’t mean what it might in yours. All I know is, rather than a list of techniques to work on (“What I hear you saying is my refusal to put things in our shared iCalendar makes you want to put my paper calendar in the wood chipper…”), all our junk can be soothed if not solved altogether by the simple addition of more grace.
What do any of us face together where this isn’t true? Imagine the most pressing issue you are dealing with in your marriage. Now take away the need to be right, to be the winner, to nurture the injury like a little pet, keeping it safe and thriving and growing. Now add grace – undeserved maybe, unexpected perhaps. Persistent, warm, selfless mercy can turn even the biggest ship around.”