Are you trying to hard?

Thought of the Day: We are part of the same body. Stop lying and start telling each other the truth.  (Ephesians 4:25 CEVUS06)

Over the last few weeks I keep having the same conversation. It’s been on the difference between what is expected versus what really is. This is where discontent happens. Right there in that space between what we thought was going to happen and what really happens. This discontent left me spinning thru a cycle of anger, guilt and being resigned to my fate. Over and over that was the cycle of my life. Nothing was ever quite what it was supposed to be.

When I was a new wife and then a new mom, I thought it was all going to come together perfectly. I had expectations of how life was going to be. Life was going to be quiet and flow easily. I was a good church girl, life was supposed to  be smooth sailing. I did things right so I deserved God’s best. I knew the rules for how to be a good Christian wife and mother. I knew the EXPECTATION of staying home that I had created in my mind. I was going to make healthy meals and keep my house dust free. I knew I was supposed to be quiet and let my husband make all the decisions.

This was all fine for the first few years of our marriage. Then it became not so fine. I got easily upset when I wasn’t doing all the things I was SUPPOSED to be doing. My husband was gone at a new job and I was left with a house to pack and move, a child to take to endless doctor appointments and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t live up to the expectation of what I needed to do. There was no unreal pressures on me, no one else had tried to make me into someone I wasn’t, I had been the one trying to put on a new outfit that was two sizes to small. I was trying so hard to be the person that I thought I should be, to create myself into a archetype that I was never going to be. To be passive and quiet is not my way.  I couldn’t be the person God was nudging me toward because I was so worried it would upset someone if I didn’t fit the mold of who they thought I should be.

This type of living is exhausting. Trying to fit someone else’s mold of how you should be is impossible. Even if it’s your own mind creating the ideal you are supposed to live up to.

There will be trial and error in figuring out who we are. When I was lost and unsure of how to be a mom, I sought out examples of the kind of mom I wanted to be. Thru books and mom groups, I got help in my mothering. It took me seven years to figure out that I was never going to be a good house keeper. I had to become content with knowing it’s alright not to have the laundry folded and put away the same day it comes out of the dryer. I found some things that I excel at in life, like cooking. I found some things that are never going to happen in my life, like cleaning the toilet. I gladly leave that to my husband.

The big secret I want to leave you with is this, God made you special. And He loves YOU. He wants you to be honest and share your struggles with others. He does not desire for us to be anyone expect who He has made us to be. That takes time to figure out and I believe as we get older and closer to God, we change more and more into Christ’s image of us. Who you are now is who you are supposed to be right now, but don’t give up in growing closer to Him.

Leave a comment, What is one thing you excel at and one thing you can walk away from?

Blessings,

-K