What it’s like on the outside

Random tidbit: garlic and honey is a great cold remedy.

I’m sitting here locked outside of my house. I usually leave the front door unlocked when I go running, but this time I locked it. I figure the army of plastic toys and Legos would cause any thief to alarm my husband when he steps on one of our toys. But i didnt do that today. I locked the front door on my way out of it. And today I’m locked out. Thankfully, it’s pretty nice this morning. There’s a warm breeze and the birds are chirping and singing to one another.
Would I be so nonchalant about being outside if it was raining? If it was forty degrees and a brisk wind was blowing? No, I would probably have started ringing the doorbell. I would have been to busy alternating between calling and texting to even write this post. I wouldn’t even think about the three kids and husband who need their sleep to have a good day. I would have been so focused on my own discomforts that I would take everyone else’s feelings out of the equation.
Unfortunately, today is an anomaly. I normally do function emotionally like I’m in the middle of a thunderstorm locked outside of my house. Yelling and screaming so loudly in my emotional distress, that I can’t even here those calling out for me to come back. I get so inwardly focused I miss out on the lights that are coming toward me. Sometimes, my emotional outbursts last long beyond the storm and I find myself still wandering around like the wind is still buffeting me. I miss out on the wonder that can be created in the wake of the storm. I miss out on the rainbows and the bright green of the grass that are my children’s laughter. I miss out on the warmth of the sun that is my husband’s embrace. I can’t find the shelter that is my Savior’s love when I get so consumed by my personal storm.
Sometimes I think the umbrella of protection won’t come this time. I think this time I have gone to far. That has yet to be the case. There has always been someone to usher back inside the house. Or offer me a warm drink to take the chill off after the storms subsides. I pray the same for you. That you would find the shelter and comfort when you need it. That you would be the shelter and comfort when someone else does.


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