It has been a couple weeks since I last wrote. I was reading another bloggers entry over at http://overwhelmedbyjoy.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/you-are-such-a-slacker/. She is walking with her mother through the pain that is watching a a loved one develop dementia. She also had taken some time off from writing. This is her explanation and I liked it so I thought I could use it as well. “What did I learn from these past six months? I think of the acronym WIN – what’s important now? I read an article recently that was about drowning. It said a drowning victim rarely yells for help. They are using every single breath to stay afloat. They don’t have excess lung space to yell. That is a bit of a description for why I haven’t been blogging. Any energy left over was spent trying to get some much needed rest. I knew it would come. Chaos, no matter how much there is, never lasts forever.”
We have been on summer break for three weeks now. It’s been pretty good to have the boys home. There little miss loves having her brothers here. I love that she has some distraction and is beginning to play with them. The kids have been a convenient excuse to put aside some of the emotional sifting I have been doing. I pick up my mental sifter from time to time in a conversation with a close friend, but for the most part I have been basking in the sunshine that is my children’s joy. Trying to say yes more, saying no less. Letting them be kids without all the responsibility that we adults have. Hoping they don’t have deep emotional scars they will have to tend to as adults because their world is so innocent and sheltered.
There are days I again look deeper into the shadowy pockets of my soul where the scars are deepest. Then there are these sweet days my good Father has given me this time of sunshine and light that is reflecting off my kids faces and I am being present to enjoy it day by day.