No Perfect Moment

I committed to blogging again. I committed to you. I committed to share my story. And I got two whole posts up. And then life has kicked in and I keep waiting for that perfect combination of kids in bed or occupied, husband doing his thing, all the house work is done and there is nothing else to deal with. But you know what? That moment never comes.

This idea that if I just had the right set up. Or maybe if I just wait until the best opportunity comes along for me. If I could just get this one last thing handled. If all those things come together then I will have time to do whatever I feel most passionate about.

It’s all lies.

There will never be a perfect moment without a hundred other little squeezed in moments to develop your craft. There is never going to be the one perfect opportunity with out a hundred other half attempts or even failures. I’m never going to have that one last thing handled cause there are always about a thousand more things jumping to take the place of the one last thing.

I have stuff and you have stuff. It’s about setting aside time and maybe sacrificing so the time is there. For me that means cutting back on how much television I watch. Or how much time I take to play games on my iPad. It might mean saying no to some things and yes to others. Maybe it means I get up a half an hour later so I have time to set up for the day instead of hitting the ground at warp speed leaving me to exhausted to work on my craft at the end of the day. It’s about being at the place that I can’t put off this need to write any longer. It means that the fire lit in me is going to consume me if I don’t speak out. I’ve found my passion, my calling. Now it’s time to get to work on it.

Is it time to start yours?




Fun Fact: Starfish don’t have brains. Explains a lot.

Let me start by saying I’m a people person, so I don’t mind being around people. I love the feeling of gathering with friends and discussing life and laughing together. If there is a party happening, I want to be there. Heck, I usually am the one throwing the party so I can be with everyone.

But sometimes, I need to be alone. Sometimes, I need rest. Most of the time I don’t realize I need rest until I am already depleted. More often someone else, like my husband or a close friend, will tell me I look exhausted and I should get some rest. Or I will break down into a puddle of tears because I just can’t handle it anymore. Or I will lash out in anger at all these people needing things from me. These people primarily being my husband and kids. Much like the toddler who has been forced to stay up longer than she should, I can have an epic tantrum/meltdown when I get overextended.

I need to recognize what the signs are for me. And how to prevent the overtired meltdowns from happening. Because it’s not fair to my husband and kids or my close friends that I am real with to be the bearers of my tiredness rage.

What are the signs? Irritability. Checking out. An extreme reaction to a minor problem. Making drastic changes to my schedule all at once. I eat a lot when I am tired. Making poor entertainment choices. I tend to make all kinds of judgements and just over all bad choices in life when I’m tired. I’m just being real here folks.

How can I prevent this.

1. For me, I need to have at least one day a week that I don’t leave the house or do anything. Yes, I will still pay attention to everyone and meet the needs of my kids and husband. That means my house is not spotless seven days a week. I figure a sane mind is better than a spotless sink. It also means we are probably having nachos or cereal for dinner.

2. I have a regular ‘date’ with a group of friends that we can discuss and process things with. I have some prayer warriors in my life that really mean it when they say “How are ya?” These ladies are a gift. I want to be that for others as well.

3. I go to bed at a reasonable time. I know that if I don’t get my sleep it tends to effect everyone else.

4. Eat some chocolate.

It’s about balance. About finding the right amount of time to pour into others and allowing others to pour into me. There is always work to be done. And commitments to be met. But I really think we need to take a cue from the Bible and have a day of rest. A day to sit back and reflect on all that God has done or is doing.



A Choice

Random Fact: I am a part of a woven family. Meaning there is a history of many different individuals joining together to make up my family. Marriages that were broken became repaired, siblings that were lost have been found. And friends that have joined with me to make up my family. All joined together thru the saving power of Jesus.

Now, on to the post.

Did you ever think life should go a certain way? As in, this is how things should of gone? Or maybe this could have happened, but you aren’t quite sure why it didn’t? There is even what would have happened. Like, what would have happened if I had made this choice instead of the choice that had been made. I used to wallow in this. I was (ok, probably still am) very good and looking back on life and wishing I had made different choices.

To a certain degree, that’s alright. But when my whole life is spent looking backwards, I miss what is right there in front of me. The now, the present. Which, with three kids isn’t always where I want to be (since I am being so honest). It is, however, where I need to be. If I am looking at the past, I can get depressed over the missed opportunities, maybe not very wise choices and wrong decisions. These mistakes that I am still paying for. It’s easy to stay there, to wallow. Again, that’s not where I should stay though. There is no joy or abundant life in the past. Yes, there are lessons to be learned and the realization that I am so great at choosing poorly when I only consult my own counsel.

Joy, that comes in the now. In the daily thanking of God for all that I have. Even the stuff I don’t particularly want to be in my life right now.Joy is a decision. An attitude that can be worn. I picture it as a soft, lilac colored sweater. I wish it was always easy to choose joy. Honestly, most days it’s easier to choose discontent. Wearing discontent is like putting on the ugly, piled and misshapen sweater I have had since college. The article of clothing my husband shudders to see.

I was visiting my parents and siblings over the Labor Day weekend. It was beautiful where we were. At the end of our family picnic, we gathered around one of our own and prayed for them. As my dad was praying he said, “Lord, we thank-you for the blessings that are gonna come out of this. We don’t know what they are, but we thank-you.” That prayer is one of the reasons I love my dad so much. And it’s so true. Thankfulness, counting on the promise that God works all things for the GOOD of those who love Him. This is the prayer I have for my life. That I would rest in the promises God has for me.

Part of being in the present is acting too. I don’t just sit in my faith. Faith without works is dead. I need to be walking forward. Yes, there are moments of rest. And there will be moments of frenetic activity, but most of the time it’s the daily working out of my faith that builds up my endurance. Praying over my kids and husband as I make their lunches. Lifting up scripture promises for a hurting friend. Sending a note of encouragement to someone. Intentionally looking for opportunities to serve in the community This is how I go forward in my faith.

It’s how you can go forward to. The daily march of going forward with life.


What holds you back from choosing joy? What article of clothing would you describe joy as?