Monkey See Monkey Do

We may all be familiar with the saying monkey see, monkey do. Meaning some, most of us, emulate the behavior we see around us. Particularly if the person we are mimicking has a strong personality or authority over us.

This is never more true than with children. Every single day kids are acting like the people around them. Trying to figure out how to be in different situations. I think this is the most scary thing about parenting.

I know that I have some really great qualities. I also know I have some pretty great flaws. Like my temper (0-100 in about 3 seconds), the way I handle stress (I like to avoid it and tend to hide out with my shows) and my obsessiveness (once I start something it needs to be finished). I see all three of these things in my kids. My oldest is a snapper like me. The middle one is obsessive and my youngest is a teller too.

So those three little monkeys are my warning. I desire nothing but the best for my kids and that they would learn from me that things could be done differently. That we don’t have to always take every characteristic, good or bad, and mimic.

It’s hard to overcome what we observe and take into ourselves. But we can take steps to analyze ourselves and change the course of our direction with accountability and grace.

Blessings
K

Fears

It’s been a long time since my last post. As in months. Just like riding a bike, some things have stayed with me. Like a need to tell my story. And friends who won’t let me forget that I have a story to tell. Also, I hit the half way point in my thirties last week and that gave me some things on which to look back.

So I’m back. And with me is that old nagging sensation of fear. I’ve learned a few things about fear. I know it has no place here. If I choose to walk in victory, then fear will flee. I’ve also learned that naming the fear makes it smaller.

For my first blog post in a long while, I’m gonna list the reasons I’m afraid to write and share my thoughts. Maybe knowing I have fears will help you face yours.

1. What if someone else has the same thing to say and they say it better?

2. What if no one cares?

3. What if someone cares a lot on the opposite end of the spectrum from me? And then they tell me?

4. What if I disappoint someone?

5. What if I stop again?

Those are the big five. So they’re out there for everyone to see. And I’m punching them in the face.

See you next time

Blessings
-K

If you were trapped…..

Writer’s prompt: If you were trapped in a movie for five days, which movie would you pick?

 

When I posed this question to my family these are there responses:

Oldest Son: Tron, the second one. Cause I could throw the light discs like a frisbee.

Second Son: Star Wars the Clone Wars, so I could use a real light sabre.

Daughter: Stone cold stare of silence.

Husband: Pitch Perfect so I could sing my life out!

 

My initial reaction was Gone with the Wind. The food and clothing options would be amazing. Then I thought, maybe I would prefer a musical like Mary Poppins or Oklahoma. Who doesn’t want to jump around and break into song to express their feelings? Or maybe even still I would want to go to my nerdy side and jump into a super hero role like the Black Widow or even Wonder Woman.

If I went with Gone with the Wind, the days would be long. There’ld be all that humidity and high temps. Wrapped in layers of petticoats and bustles. The stays would probably make me pass out from oxygen deprivation. I also am not sure I could go a whole five days and not make some speech about the disparity between the slaves/ working poor and that of the elite. I’m sure my practical Mid-west side would jump out and have to question the expense of one dress being able to feed a few families for a week.

A musical would be nice. But all that singing and dancing could make a girl tired. Especially a girl who isn’t up on her cardio like she should be. But I have always loved music. So maybe I could tough it out. As long as no one went all Black Swan or Showgirls on me. I don’t know that I could handle the stress of all the Prima Donnas that tend to come along with musical theatre. Being a bit of a Prima Donna myself, I know it can get tough when egos are on the line.

So that leaves the Superhero movies. All the martial arts and gun toting would be a great work out. All the pent up aggression and frustration I could have from the daily stress of life would be let out in the fight scenes. I would be helping the greater good. There would probably be a pretty big paycheck if I were in a movie like the Avengers or Iron Man. I wouldn’t want to be in anything like Ant Man or any of the other lesser known heroes.

So there you have it, this book worm would take a full on leap to the nerdy side. Bring me a pair of tights and a cape. I’ve got a world to save!

Blessings

-K

It’s hard

Random tidbit: I’ve been eating gluten-free for about a month now. And it really helps with how I feel. What we eat affects us.

It’s hard right now. It’s hard to do a lot of things. It’s hard to admit things are hard. Because more than anything, I don’t like to admit defeat. I never saw myself as a go-getter, as a scraper. But I’m finding I am. But that I fight about what doesn’t matter. And I try to keep things close that should be let go.

So here is my confession of what’s hard.

It’s hard to get up and exercise. Because I would rather eat brownies for breakfast and sleep in.

It’s hard to be gracious with strangers because I have so much of my own hurt and pain, I can’t see theirs.

It’s hard to parent fairly because I have little to no resources for my sweet little cherubs because most of my emotional energy is being spent working on my issues.

It’s hard to be kind to my husband, because I can’t even be kind to myself.

It’s hard to go to church because I always seem to be the one crying in the pew during the worship songs.

It’s hard to sing worship songs because I have doubt about my faith.

It’s hard to admit I have doubt about my faith in God.

It’s hard to say I have depression.

It’s hard to think I might need to be on medication for my depression.

It’s hard to keep explaining why things are hard.

 

Blessings

-K

A skein of yarn

Random quote: “Even the biggest ball of twine unwinds.” –Jewish Proverb

 

If you knew me beyond this blog you would know that crafts and I go together like oil and water. Maybe we can get put in the same ‘glass’, and you can shake us up to mix, but after a few minutes we separate and agree that we really don’t mix for any length of time. But when I saw that Jewish proverb on Facebook, it struck a chord with me.

“Even the biggest ball of twine unwinds.” –Jewish Proverb

 

My ball of twine, skein of yarn, spool of thread is unwinding. Sometimes so slowly I don’t realize until after the bit has been removed, sometimes so rapidly I can barely catch my breath. This tightly wound thread that is my life is unraveling from my hands. And as much as I fight to keep the thread all jumbled up together in a messy ball of jumbled colors and broken threads, it’s being pulled inch by inch away from me. And I can’t keep it together anymore.

So those that love me are stepping in to help. And the God that loves me and knows me, but still feels so distant to me right now is showing me He cares about me too. He doesn’t just care about me, He loves me.  That this work of pulling the threads of my life that might be broken or faded and replacing them with the bright and vibrant colors of thread that is His truth is worth it.

I have to keep telling myself that, because sometimes I think the work is to hard. And I scramble to gather up the little scraps and pieces of my life that have been so gently pulled away from me in an effort to get back to where things were ‘normal’.  But once I learn truth, I have to give up the lies. Because lies and truth can’t live together, can they? And my sense of normal is skewed right now. What is normal anyways?

So this is where I am. Standing in a pile of mismatched and broken threads. Surrounded by the scraps from a life I’ve been trying to piece together in the dark. Now that I’m starting to see things in the light of God’s truth, I’m asking for help to make this tapestry into something beautiful. But first, it needs to come apart so the damaged parts can be removed and they can be replaced with His healing.

Blessings

-K