It’s been a long time since my last post. As in months. Just like riding a bike, some things have stayed with me. Like a need to tell my story. And friends who won’t let me forget that I have a story to tell. Also, I hit the half way point in my thirties last week and that gave me some things on which to look back.
So I’m back. And with me is that old nagging sensation of fear. I’ve learned a few things about fear. I know it has no place here. If I choose to walk in victory, then fear will flee. I’ve also learned that naming the fear makes it smaller.
For my first blog post in a long while, I’m gonna list the reasons I’m afraid to write and share my thoughts. Maybe knowing I have fears will help you face yours.
1. What if someone else has the same thing to say and they say it better?
2. What if no one cares?
3. What if someone cares a lot on the opposite end of the spectrum from me? And then they tell me?
4. What if I disappoint someone?
5. What if I stop again?
Those are the big five. So they’re out there for everyone to see. And I’m punching them in the face.
Random tidbit: Not sure how I feel about coconut greek yogurt. I like coconut. I like greek yogurt. I just don’t know how I feel about the two things combined.
Yesterday was a slow day. Little miss and I took the older two to school and then hung around the house. I did some laundry, cleaned up the kitchen. Finished one book, read another. All in all it was a nice relaxing day. I had the chance to observe my little miss. She is at the age that she like to put things in containers. And she likes to shake things so stuff comes out of the containers. Or so I thought. What she really likes to do is shake things so she hears the sound the stuff in the containers make as it bounces around inside. Little miss gets upset when her stuff flies out of the container and everywhere on the floor. And she gets downright angry when the stuff falls out of it’s container on accident. As if it is only somewhat ok for her snack to fly out of its container when she is ready for it to fly out. The little girl does not like to clean up messes that she has just picked up. I know the feeling all to well.
Observing my little toddler dropping her animal crackers and then putting them back in the container got me to thinking about cookies. We all have cookies, or stuff, that we would rather keep in it’s place. We work so hard to keep everything in the ‘cookie jar’. Feeling overwhelmed inside, but holding tightly to the cookie jar lid so that no one can see what’s going on inside. Maybe we don’t want other people to know our business. We believe the lie that no one will understand. Or that someone might judge us if we share our stuff with them.
We can only fool others for so long. Eventually, the lid gets blown off our cookie jar and all our cookies are tossed in the air. All our stuff, the junk you have been hiding in that jar, is out for the your world to see. Yes, I was distraught the first time everything inside of me was exposed. You know what else I felt? Relieved! Because I know longer had to hold that lid down anymore. I was able to let out all that pent up emotion and it was freeing. Instead of feeling judged and alone, I felt the warmth of friendship and embraced.
Cookies are meant to be shared. If we just keep them locked up in a jar that can get stale and moldy. Then they begin to stink and will just make us sick if we keep them inside. Share your cookies with a few people you are friends with. or with a counselor if you have some monster cookies like I did. It will only help you feel better.